Listen Linda

We all know what self-will is. It’s the ability to make up our own minds, and act accordingly to our own wants, beliefs, and motivations. Self-will isn’t controlled or even influenced by external forces. It’s a fundamental aspect of personal autonomy and decision-making. This allows us to shape our lives based on our own inner convictions. 

At its core, self-will operates through:

• Desire and Motivation

These are our internal wants, needs, and goals that drive our actions.

• Decision-Making

We allow ourselves (self-will) to weigh our options, consider the consequences, and choose our course of action.

• Resistance to External Influence

Since self-will can manifest as determination and or the stubbornness in standing by one’s own decisions despite the pressure or opposition.

• Responsibility and Consequences

This is acting on our own will and holding ourselves accountable of the outcome. Whether it’s positive or negative.

Self-will empowers us to pursue our ambitions. It empowers us to stand up for our beliefs and carve our own path in life. Granted, if unchecked, it can lead to recklessness or difficulty in cooperating with others. It is a powerful force, that when guided wisely, is a source of strength and purpose.

Now, in cases of when self-will runs riot (Which is a term we use in AA) there is an act that is purely on impulse. There is a belief that we can control everything (Which we can’t). And we start acting out with manipulating behavior. We would manipulate situations or scenarios to suit ourselves, selfishly. This is usually at the expense of others, unfortunately. And they’re quick to anger, frustration and resentment when things don’t go their way.

There are also a few psychological theories that explain self-will run riot. It’s often in the context of addictions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive behaviors.

• Psychoanalytic Theory (Freud): Freud’s model of the psyche suggests that unchecked id-driven impulses, (which is the desire for pleasure and gratification), can override the ego and super ego. This most often will lead to reckless behavior. This aligns with the idea of self-will run riot. In a nutshell it’s when we act on our impulses without considering the consequences.
• Cognitive-Behavioral Theory (CBT): Suggests how distorted thinking patterns and maladaptive behaviors contribute to our self-destructive, or even self-sabotage tendencies. It’s when someone experiencing self-will run riot justifies harmful actions, ignores the negative consequences, or struggles with emotional regulation.
• Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan): This theory explores the balance between autonomy and self-regulation. When autonomy is unchecked and lacks self-regulation, this would cause people to act impulsively, disregarding external guidance or consequences.

There is a few more theories that explain self-will run riot, such as Impulse Control & Executive Functioning (Neuroscience), Person-Centered Therapy ( Carl Rogers), Twelve-Step Recovery & Spiritual Psychology.

(https://my-breakthrough.com/blog/the-solution-to-self-will-run-riot/)

Self-will becomes self-will run riot when a person’s drive for independence and personal desires override reason, responsibility, consideration for others. It’s  when autonomy turns into destructive impulsivity and selfishness.

So how can we stop our self-will from running riot?

 First, we must recognize the root causes, and it often stems from a fear of losing control. The need to dominate situations stems from deep-seated insecurities or past experiences of helplessness. It can be caused by Ego-driven thinking. This happens when a person believes their way is the only way, they shut out alternative perspectives, even when it’s harmful. There is impulsivity and the desire for short-term rewards by acting without considering long-term consequences. It can make choices feel satisfying in the moment. But ultimately leads to future regret. Finally, we have Emotional dysregulation. This is when high emotions (anger, frustration, excitement, etc.) override logical thinking, and it pushes a person into destructive choices.

If we can identify these patterns in our own behavior, we can put a hinderance to our self-will running riot. If we can learn to replace the need to have control with having balance instead. It’s a starting point.

 We aren’t eliminating our self-will. We are merely channeling it in a balanced way.

Some examples include changing the need for rigid control into having flexibility. It’s acceptance that things won’t always go our way. Turning our impulsivity into reflection is simply pausing before making choices. It’s defiantly changing our perspectives when we choose empathy over self-centered thinking. And when we can learn to go with the flow and trust the process instead of having that desperation of need for control. It’s defiantly a change in perspectives, a change in behavior, and in life.