Listen Linda

Full acceptance is a powerful means of letting go completely and embracing the reality of a situation, without resistance or judgment. It’s when I can recognize my thoughts and feelings. And circumstances without trying to change or deny them.

Now, I won’t lie to you. I’d love to change a variety of things. Behavior, actions. I’d love to take back cold things said out of anger. Or things I didn’t say out of fear. Apologies made just to settle. Chances I didn’t take. Or just change my entire life.

Now, I can’t change my past. In fact, no one can change things that have happened. We can only learn to fully accept that it is what it is. That whatever wreckage that’s behind us. Will stay there. I’m supposed to stay focused on the now. Not to stay overly focused on my past. But sometimes. That’s hard to do. But I won’t or don’t deny any of it.

I acknowledge my reality. And my reality is that I have two children I am fighting for, and they are my weakness. I let go and let God in control again. But then I take that back. And want to run on self-will. Forgetting whose really in charge. And I got to let my higher power have full control again. To say I’m stressed out would be a kind understatement. I can’t rush things I can’t control. I need to let go of any resistance and control of me trying to change what I cannot change. Even with me wanting to hurry and get my life in order. I must give myself grace. Trust the process and let go and let God.  Giving him full surrender. And have faith that things will unfold as they should.

It leaves me feeling exposed, vulnerable, and completely at my wits end. And I’m supposed to have faith. I’m trying to. It’s the fear that keeps me apprehensive and trying to control the outcome again. But I do trust my higher power. But it’s the human part of me that feels the need to make things happen. It’s a blessing and a curse. And when what I want doesn’t happen, the way I want it to. Well, I guess that’s God. Shaking his head, while whispering, “let me do it. I know how.”